Saturday, September 3, 2016

Skipping Work

I skipped work last night. I've been doing it for the past few months with varying invented excuses that seem to be rooted in something bigger that I am yet to discover. For some reason, doing this doesn't cause any guilt in my chest as it used to. Deep inside, I feel that I deserve this short break, no matter how much lie it involves.
One day. Just one day.

I've been working for this company for almost two years now. I had my highs and lows, but I've been feeling that I've plateaued recently. Nothing exciting is happening anymore. I've been doing all the things I used to do, and I believe I am getting along just fine. Don't get me wrong though. "Normal" for me is not the same as other people's. I normally do my work in excellence. I want to do my tasks right the first time.
Being awesome every day is a bit boring.
Oftentimes, seeing how people around me work just makes me feel that I may have been giving too much to  my work. I am not required to strive for excellence. It's an initiative that I feel is the right thing to do. To me, it's like a higher order from the guy beyond the sky. It just feels exhausting to see people around me do mediocre jobs and get away with it. Maybe that's why I feel that I am entitled to skip work from time to time-- I am more tired than they are.
Damn you people.
But then that's a pretty immature way to look at things. And I accept that; I am aware that my mind is not in the perfect state of affairs yet to take on something bigger, because I still sometimes am affected by how other people work. Perhaps someday I will be able to face this problem deep in my consciousness. I am not sure what exactly it is. It might be a monster I'll be taking blows and bites from. Perhaps it's just a calm but deep river I just have to swim through. I don't know exactly what it is. But I am quite contented with what's happening right now. I work hard in the office and get my pass at skipping work from time to time. I don't have to worry about that yet.
Inhale more zen. Yes.

1 comment:

  1. I like your approach on the topic. Your article is as interesting as your previous writings. Keep up the good work, thanks a lot.