Thursday, September 1, 2016

Losing Libido

Today feels different. First, I finally feel that the third term of school has entirely rolled off my back. Grades are submitted, and I may (or may not) have already gone through my probationary status as a student. For the first time in months, I get to read and do whatever I want at home. Second, I feel that, slowly, I am losing some zeal to live each day, as if everything is fading into a monochromatic mundanity where one barely recognizes anything worth remembering. Each second is passing by where the most zealous thing around is the second hand of the clock, ever in steady motion.
this is awesome. yey.

I may be only be overreacting though. This notion didn't hit me like a truck running in full speed. Instead, it developed in my head like an inkblot slowly but surely spreading over more paper. It happened as I was going to sleep this morning. I normally find peace and security in imagining making love to a man. It doesn't matter who I was imagining; it was the imagined feeling of arms embracing me that usually puts me to sleep. Today, it didn't feel that way. I felt very tired that the thought of such phantom limbs, though there, isn't required anymore. I fell to sleep right away.

During that last moment of consciousness before the darkness of slumber settles into my vision, I realized that I may be losing the libido to live. This is quite alarming, because it's too early to sense such thought at the age of 27. At this time, I should be drunk with life, but it seems like I am gradually losing interest in it. Perhaps it's only because I have less things to live for this coming days. School work is literally taking over my life, and the two-week break from school is like finishing a good book where the reader doesn't know what to do or how to react after reading the last page.

That feeling of emptiness. Yeah. That one.
But then nothing's finished really. I am to enroll for the next term of school soon, so life can go on as I got used to.
Everything's better with a Disney font.

1 comment:

  1. Awesome work. Just wanted to drop a comment and say I am new to your blog and really like what I am reading.Thanks for the share.